Dear My Couch:
As you are most likely aware, I did a bit of spring cleaning this morning. I did some laundry, made the bed, Swiffered the crap out of the fireplace and Windexed all the damn mirrors. And I was feeling pretty good about it all until YOU decided to house a spider colony and ruin my life when I came over for some innocent pillow sprucing. It is YOU, Couch, that makes me feel unsafe in my own home. Don't think I didn't hear you chortle as I did my patented "Pre-Murder Spider Regret Dance".
Thanks for nothing.
Love,
Kat
---------------
Yes, that happened. I've been wondering why my life has been so pleasant lately...I haven't had a spider attack in months. Months, you know? How nice for me. And now I'm going to quell my anxiety by watching a film concerning Daniel Day Lewis and English accents.
a spider attack doesn't sound pleasant at all!! o-o
sorry your couch decided to be a meany
Posted by: Marina | May 07, 2009 at 05:03 PM
Oh spiders and their annoying colonies.
Posted by: Nico | May 07, 2009 at 05:05 PM
Wow. That sucks. That couch is rude.
I hope english accents will make you happy.
Posted by: Sarahbeth | May 07, 2009 at 05:10 PM
It's like they are always watching and waiting.
Next thing you know you'll find colonies in your shampoo!
Posted by: Jazzercat | May 07, 2009 at 05:20 PM
I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE.
DRINK IT ALL UP!
Posted by: Daniel Plainview | May 07, 2009 at 05:22 PM
No wonder my patent is still pending on MY Pre Murder Spider Regret Dance! I had no idea your patent cleared!
You beat me again, Dennings!
Posted by: Chris | May 07, 2009 at 05:28 PM
Pretty sure I would cry if spiders were in my couch :(
Posted by: Amber | May 07, 2009 at 05:31 PM
Imagine a colony of Spider-Men in your couch. It would be much better..right?
And just to complete this stupid joke:
http://www.instantrimshot.com/
Posted by: Thiago | May 07, 2009 at 05:40 PM
aaah!i hate hate hate spiders!!
Posted by: Maria from sweden^^ | May 07, 2009 at 05:43 PM
I've been trying to find a new couch. any suggestions?
Posted by: Stefan Hayden | May 07, 2009 at 05:48 PM
Tapped!!!
Posted by: Nate | May 07, 2009 at 05:49 PM
now that truly sucks.. no joke !
Posted by: Ovidio | May 07, 2009 at 05:52 PM
"You mean like spiders on the field, coach?" "Man, spider's freak me too fellas."
I can't stand a spider, I better not see a spider. I'll whoop a spider's ass.
Posted by: Michael1640 | May 07, 2009 at 06:04 PM
I'm the sort of person who'd get a new couch. Not before burning the crap out of the old one and all of it's spidery disgustingness, though. yuckkk.
I woke up to a spider on my pillow last week, and refused to sleep in my room until last night. I feel your pain.
Posted by: Tiff | May 07, 2009 at 06:15 PM
you should of recored it put it on youtube
Posted by: TomKat | May 07, 2009 at 06:26 PM
Which one's that?! The film, I mean. Age of Innocence? Room With a View?
Concerning just Day-Lewis, I feel The Last of the Mohicans is the best.
Posted by: wiivil | May 07, 2009 at 06:37 PM
Which one's that?! The film, I mean. Age of Innocence? Room With a View?
Concerning only Day-Lewis, off-hand I feel The Last of the Mohicans is the best.
Posted by: wiivil | May 07, 2009 at 06:43 PM
I'm sorry, that's terrible. I hate cleaning... I like cute spiders :)
Posted by: Sashary | May 07, 2009 at 06:52 PM
What happens when the spiders evolve into English accent.. speaking spiders? What then?
Posted by: Dakotadrawn | May 07, 2009 at 06:53 PM
I hear spiders are good luck. :)
Posted by: Joey | May 07, 2009 at 07:03 PM
So should we be looking for you in a remake of 'Arachnophobia' sometime?...
Posted by: Burrow_Dweller | May 07, 2009 at 07:20 PM
man, what about pest control? are you against it? i'm terrified of roaches (ever since i lived in japan) and now i live in a 80 yr old house and could not sleep at night without pest control...just looking at the cadavers outside my house (or inside sometimes) make me jump! PEST CONTROL it's worthy!
Posted by: ilariacapasso | May 07, 2009 at 07:25 PM
Well, blaming the furniture for arachnid infestations is certainly a sign of robust mental health. Don't change, there, kiddo, we need our weekly dose of hollyweirdo.
Posted by: JB | May 07, 2009 at 07:27 PM
i'm pretty sure there is an infinite amount of movies with daniel day lewis having an eglish accent.
Posted by: Matt | May 07, 2009 at 07:37 PM
ugh..... spiders .... a dependable day crusher.
-Sara H.
Posted by: Sara H. | May 07, 2009 at 08:16 PM