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Caitlin

I can get you a sweet deal on one of these babies: http://www.shinyshiny.tv/lrg-2-spidercatcher.jpg

Callie

If Daniel Day Lewis with an English accent doesn't make everything better ... only one thing can possibly help - a half naked Daniel Day Lewis (aka Nathaniel Hawkeye) running through the sultry woods of North Carolina.

Seth

Backwoods tip from a person who lives in the middle of B.F.E., Nowhere:

Hedge apples. If you put pieces of hedge apples in your couch, spiders will go away. Put them anywhere you notice lots of spiders.

transplant

kat dennings...can you tell me how you are 22 years old and dont drive? isnt it necessary to drive in los angeles because there is no public transportation..or is that you have a little bitch to drive you around? driving isnt that scary really...but driving in huge cities is.

Dakota Hallman

hey spiders are so damn awful i hate em glad it didnt bite u thinking of you alaways dakota

Charles

Remedy (for spiders and resulting anxiety):

Buy a carton of oatmeal. You know, the paperboard cylindrical kind with the plastic top. Eat all the oatmeal. Save the container for when the next spider invades your space. Take the oatmeal container, lid off, and position it in front of the spider. Take a pencil or other long instrument, and from a reasonable distance, gently prod the offending creature from behind. Based on my own empirical study, the spider should willfully bolt for the opening of the container. When it does, quickly turn the container upright and replace the lid. Then take the container to the nearest door or window, remove the lid, and release the prisoner into the wild outdoors. This way, you will be respecting life, quelling your anxiety, and fighting cholesterol all at once. ;-P
P.S. If said spider happens to be positioned on a wall, simply place the container flush to the wall over the spider, then slowly slide the container down the wall a few inches. The motion of the container will cause the spider to run for the back of the container. Replace lid and follow above steps for releasing the creeper.
P.P.S. You on Carson Daly in a bright yellow dress...I've never seen anything hotter or more stunning. Honestly.

durtei.

eeeeek!

johnhunt

glad to see you back, don't think i'm alone in saying we missed you

Chaim

Yaknow Dennings, the spider story was well written and quite entertaining, however; the whole cleaning thing kinda concerns me. It sounds compulsive to me, or at the least spurred on by stress.
Great minds tend to come with some interesting psychological "stuff". So what's bothering you? Whatever it is I hope it works out.

Other news, you are an amazing writer. You pack so much personality and creativity into your writings. Thank you for being so entertaining and intelligent all at once. Rare combination.

Take it easy ok? Seriously.

Chaim

Nick

Tell it like it is, Kat! I feel your pain as I, too, hate cleaning and spiders also. Also, please let that Daniel Day-Lewis film be "There Will Be Blood". That movie is so, so, so good! And of course, the best line in the film: "I drink your milkshake! I drink it up!" Daniel Day-Lewis was great in "Gangs of New York" also, but I think his rightfully-deserved Oscar-winning performance in "There Will Be Blood" certainly topped his performance in "Gangs".

Paul

Siiiiigh....
This reminds me that I should do some spring cleaning of my own, I've been needing to for quite some time now.

Well anyways spiders suck, I hope I don't find any myself. I was scarred for life after watching that damn movie Arachnophobia when I was young. =/

Eliot

Speaking of spiders in the couch:

http://www.eliotwilder.com/blackhole.mp3

Anthony

English accents make everything better... hope the spiders leave soon.

rick

Dear kat's couch,

*puts couch outside*.. now think about what you've done.

Sincerely,
Rick

tinaearls87

goodness Kat spider attacks do suck..ive had my share. I feel for ya! Id smack that couch around if i were you.

winkle

spiders are so creepy. GAHD. SPIDERS.

Per Tomas

ugh, it`s a tough world we live in, my couch recently tried to kill me after I discovered it was secretly planning a mass production of killer rabbits... I had no choice but to kill it of course...
So now I sit and mourn over my dead couch while I eat icecream and watch a bad norwegian horror movie,
like I said: It`s a tough world.

Hang in there ;-)

ohnotheydidnt

try living in a place where tarantulas randomly crawl into your kitchen while you're browsing the internets
ok not tarantulas
ok little tiny harmless spring spiders
but STILL

ps you're really freakin pretty. tell me your secrets.

Sasha

I know how you feel. I came home from school and found a thousand ants climbing all over my desk and the floor and everything surrounding it. LIKE MY BED. It was downright awful. I had to bleach my entire floor and desk, while having to smush ants with anything around me while on my computer.

Olivia

That does sound pretty horrible. But, alas, a Daniel Day Lewis movie can cheer up even the most horrid situations. Exactly why I have bought almost all of his movies :)

Alex

I trust the old 'piece of paper and glass' trick was out of the question?

Mahmoud

that's so true, spiders are so annoying

Derek

Hahahahahaha.....sorry. It just reminds me of a movie i watched when i was a kid. The carousel i think. Scarred me for life. But for a movie i think the curious case of benjamin button will have to suffice on this depressing and cold Fargo night. That and some chocolate covered cashews. Nom nom nom

Derek

Hahahahahaha.....sorry. It just reminds me of a movie i watched when i was a kid. The carousel i think. Scarred me for life. But for a movie i think the curious case of benjamin button will have to suffice on this depressing and cold Fargo night. Oofta! That and some chocolate covered cashews. Nom nom nom

Jon

Bad, Couch! Bad, bad, Couch! I hope it at least had the capitalistic foresight to charge those spiders rent. And, Kat, I realize you've probably already thought this through but before you burn the couch, please take it outside, preferably into the middle of a very large parking lot (and, yes, I do know far too many people who wouldn't think anywhere near that far in advance).

I have a couple of unexpected-and-unwanted-finds stories, if they might help make you feel a little better.

Back in 1980, I stayed at the prestigious Hollywood and Vine Motel. (Yeah, I was a dumb kid from North Dakota back then. Now I'm just a dumb adult from North Dakota.) Anyhoo, I woke up one night/morning/what-have-you to something tickling my chest hairs. It turned out to be a roach scurrying across me! Yeah, getting back to sleep wasn't the easiest thing to do.

Next story. Back during Air Force basic training at scenic Lackland AFB, Texas, it was five o'clock in the morning (at least I think it was; I wasn't quite mentally there the entire six weeks, most particularly at five in the morning). Being the bleary-eyed little masochists in military training we were, we were expected to jump out of bed, shower, shave, brush the teeth, get dressed, and what have you in just a few minutes. Ready to hit the bathroom and scrub those teeth, I grabbed the container holding my toothbrush, opened it up -- and found cockroaches -- nesting in my toothbrush. The sergeant told me I didn't have to brush my teeth that morning. That was mighty nice of him.

Back in 2000, the desire to move from the Twin Cities to Vegas bit me, bad. I talked about possible places to live with a guy who was from Vegas, and the one at the top of my list he said was one of the best in Vegas. Huzzah! I got down there, my car crying and moaning because I had packed everything I own into it, ready to sign the papers. The exterior looked great. Prestine and clean, almost even showy -- beautiful exteriors, clean walks, swimming pool -- there was even grass there! Real grass! (And no, not the controlled-substance sort. Sheesh!) After I signed the papers (stupid me, before I saw the apartment), the manager took me up for a walk-through. My excitement dissipated the moment that door opened. The furnished interior looked like it was left over from from the '70s, appliances, carpet, furniture, and all. The carpet still had the original dirt, and was still collecting it. It was a studio apartment -- and there was a water heater in it. Who puts a water heater in a studio apartment that's in the desert? Who?!? (Course, who in his right mind moves to Las Vegas in July? Well, let's not get into that.) Just out of morbid (and slightly hysterical) curiosity, I lefted the cushion on the chair. Guess what I found! No -- not roaches! McDonald's french fries, an extra-large pack.

Yeah, I wasn't a happy camper and I made sure the manager didn't leave that apartment with a smile on her face either.

Here's hoping things'll be going better for you -- and soon. And sorry about the babbling. Once the fingers hit the keyboard...well, I'm sure you see.

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